


(One in the same) Love and pain

by slighter_writer



Category: Choices - Fandom, Choices - Stories you play, Endless Summer (Visual Novel), Pixelberry
Genre: F/F, Heavy Angst, I love emotionally torturing myself, I've been wanting to write this ship for a while now, do not read if you're allergic to angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 04:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16591094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slighter_writer/pseuds/slighter_writer
Summary: You swore you’d never love anything again, but she came and proved you wrong.





	(One in the same) Love and pain

You’re happy and your life is full of love

(but you didn’t appreciate it and now it’s all _gone_ )

Your teachers tell your parents how smart you are for your age and how quickly you learn and how you make perfect marks on all your quizzes and it makes your father pick you up and laugh as he twirls you and your mother won’t stop giving you kisses even when you tell her stop you’re embarrassing me

(I’m sorry I’m sorry just PLEASE COME BACK)

You’re eight a child when your family dies because one driver had a few too many

(they never caught him)

and out of all your family, you survive

(mommy stares at you with those lifeless eyes and daddy had glass sticking out of him and your brother and sister’s small bodies are twisted and broken)

You’re sent from home to home. Some of them ignored you some of them hurt you and some of them came to you with smiles

(fake fake fake)

and wanted you to pretend everything's okay

(nothing will _ever_ be okay again)

So you run away.

You learn to steal to survive

(always a quick learner)

and you learn to hate all the memories of your family, all the happy times flashing in your head make you cry so much you think it makes you run out of tears because at some point you stop crying

(it still hurts just the same)

you swear you’ll never love anything again

* * *

One day you steal from the wrong man.

He catches you.

But he doesn’t take you to the police.

He makes you steal for him, fight for him, hurt for him.

And there’s a part of it that feels good. You’re angry and you take your anger out on whoever’s unlucky enough to cross you or your gang.

At some point, you’re caught.

You don’t tell the police anything, and you end up in jail for three years.

(you hate it there and you want to get out so you learn to be good and _smile_ that fake way you hate so much)

When you’re released, your parole officer helps you find work as a tour guide

(Rourke International’s plan to rehabilitate those who lost their way)

and you're so grateful you swear you'd die for this light after the darkness.

(you almost do)

And that’s how you meet **him**.

Unlike the gang he is kind, he encourages you, and he fills the gap inside you that losing your family left.

He tells you his plan to stop innocent people from dying, people like your family, and you can’t say yes fast enough.

You fight. And this time you kill but that’s okay because they’re going to be brought back to life soon.

* * *

After working for him long enough, you meet **her**.

She is kind to you too, except she seeks out your company

(he’s always too busy to talk to you outside of your assignments and everyone else thinks you’re weird and is scared of you)

and the two of your talk and soon you’re able to call her a friend.

You ask her about the projects she works on, not because you understand a word of it but because you like the look of her eyes lighting up as she describes physics theories and new steps in her research

(it’s like sunshine)

and she shows you pictures of her daughter and her brother.

She tells you about her home. How she got her PhD in the U.S. and is working to get her family out of San Trobia to give her daughter a safe future and her brother a life of peace.

You two talk, and you always find your thoughts drift towards her when you’re apart

(she’s a distraction)

so you avoid her for a while, giving excuses you hope she’ll believe

(I don’t want to hurt you)

but that only makes your heart ache and you think of her more.

(why do you make me feel this way?)

When you talk to her again she’s relieved and you’re so _happy_ to see her again it scares you.

For a while you two pretend like nothing happened until she says that she’s worried she did something to upset you and you assure her it’s nothing and you apologize

(you tried to keep yourself from getting hurt and instead you hurt **her** )

She asks you why and you don’t have an answer

(because I think I love you)

she doesn’t press the subject but you can tell it still bothers her

(it’s almost like her pain is your own)

eventually you can’t take it anymore and you go to her and tell her everything

(afraid so afraid I’ve never been this afraid before)

and the minute you stop talking her soft lips press against yours and she tells you she wanted to do that for a while

(you did too and didn’t even know it)

and you know you shouldn’t

(but you still kiss her back)

you know it’s a bad idea

(it is)

but you do it anyway

(I love you)

* * *

He tells you to kill her

(you want to beg him you want plead you don’t want to kill her)

and he assures you that when his plan is finished she’ll be brought back just like your family

(she’s standing in the way of that plan, she’ll try to expose it and you can’t have that)

and when you do it, she looks at you in shock

(why why why)

when she’s gone, she stares up at you with those dead, lifeless eyes

(just like your mother did when she died)

and you can’t even bring yourself to cry.

(you tell yourself that she’ll be brought back and it doesn’t help at all)

* * *

Even after all those years, she’s still on your mind like a ghost

(why did you do it? Didn’t you love me?)

and it never gets better but you learn to live with it.

(pain’s so present with you that it’s almost like a friend)

So when you see **her** again through her daughter when she comes onto the plane

(protect them, he said, with your life if you must)

it takes everything in you not to break at the sight.

(she looks so much like her _it hurts it hurts_ )

But you protect them, keeping up those fake smiles

(she doesn’t smile like her mother, instead she scowls and glares and you know it's _your_ fault)

You protect them through all the dangers, and for almost a few moments you’re able to forget the pain

(how sad is it, that I barely know a life without pain?)

And you start thinking of them as friends. They even comfort you

(when she smiles at you it looks just like her mother’s smile and you feel like there’s a knife to your gut )

* * *

Soon, as you expected, she finds out and she pounces on you, roaring and punches you repeatedly

(it hurts but you’ve had much worse and deserved much worse)

And you try to explain yourself, the monster shows itself and you take the opportunity to run.

You run away to **him**

(it’s always for him)

* * *

You have a gun to her, and it happens all over again.

You’re about to shoot on his order, and all you can think about is **her** face pleading _why_ and your mother your father and your siblings

(I can’t do this again)

and you do the unthinkable, and betray **him** , your leader, your father, your god-

(no, he’s a liar, I think I knew that)

(I still killed for him)

You shoot all the guards, and a bullet hits your chest.

She takes the gun that falls from your hands, and points it at you.

You accept it. You’re so tired, and you deserve it after everything you’ve done.

(you wonder if things could have been different if you stopped when he told you to kill her)

But instead, she lowers it, and hands you the gun.

(I’m so sorry)

They leave, and you ready yourself to shoot the coming guards to buy them time.

(I’m going to die)

You’re afraid you feel cold and you’re losing blood

(is this what **she** felt like when she died?)

and the soldiers are coming, dark angels of death coming to cast you into hell.

For a moment, the pain

(losing your family, killing your love)

is all gone and you’re able to remember the happier times

(playing tag with your brother and sister, your father braiding your hair, your mother’s hugs, **her** smile and touch and kisses)

without the pain.

The guards come, and you fire.

You hear one more gunshot and the last thing you feel is a pinch on your forehead before everything goes black

(I love you)

You die smiling.


End file.
